born at the wrong moment

perhaps if i stay to myself, and refuse any god damned advances, things will be fine.  perhaps if i start exercising i won’t feel so bad.  i really did not want to be in classes earlier today.  i don’t feel good.  i don’t feel inspired anymore, inspired to do anything other than self-destruct.  i don’t feel like being funny, or laughing in the presence of other people… they said i was self-centered and selfish.

i don’t want to sleep, because i think that i did nothing today - nothing worth living.  i can’t remember a time when i wasn’t bogged down with the overwhelming fear of living, fear of death.  i’m going to stay inside my own world, inside my head, i’m not making a comeback.  i never wanted this life.  i don’t know how i’m going to make it.  it’s always alone, never come back.  born at the wrong moment.

@1 month ago